Stolen humor

First, there was Swift Boat Vets For The Truth, then there was Texans for the Truth, and now we have a new veterans group weighing in on the Bush/Kerry tussle: Family Ties Veterans For The Truth.

They've yet to incorporate under that name, of course, but in the last week I've seen three soldiers who served our country well in NBC's Must See TV Battalion go to bat for John Kerry. First, there was Michael J. Fox, lending his support by taking on the thankless task of having to sit next to Teresa Heinz-Kerry throughout the third debate. And then yesterday, I caught a few minutes of a Democratic 'get-out-the-vote' effort featuring a joint speech by Fox's TV parents, Michael Gross and Meredith Baxter-Birney.

Still no word, however, on who Tina Yothers (Jennifer Keaton), Brian Bonsall (Andrew Keaton), and Justine Bateman (Mallory Keaton) are endorsing. Or for that matter, "Nick", Mallory's doofus boyfriend on the show. (You might also remember him from his spin-off show, The Art of Being Nick. But obviously, you mustn't.)

Mind you, the stars of Family Ties are not the only sitcom actors or comedians to jettison their sense of fun in order to become shrill, humorless Kerry supporters. There's Janeane Garofolo, Howard Stern, and Jon Stewart, among countless others.

Which is why I propose the formation of an advocacy group to combat these killjoys. Some of you might be aware of Stolen Honor, the pro-Bush group of Vietnam POWs whose documentary of the same name has been the subject of much controversy. Well, now it's time for a sequel: Stolen Humor, with membership open to long-suffering comedy fans who have seen their favorite funnymen trade in their comedic talents for half-baked leftist rhetoric.

This organization will use its resources to reunite Ms. Garofalo with her fellow castmates from The Ben Stiller Show and get her to embark on a rigorous 12-step program of sketch comedy writing to take place in complete isolation from all influential liberal media outlets…and Air America.

Jon Stewart will also be held in isolation, the better to keep him from appearing on non-comedic political talk shows and getting it in his head that he’s actually a serious, respected political pundit.

As for Howard Stern, it would be unreasonable to ask him to refrain from the political talk without providing him with something to fill that dead air. So, in exchange for complete silence on political matters, Howard Stern will receive an unlimited supply of lesbians. Lesbians of all sizes, shapes, and ethnic backgrounds, including Howard’s favorite type of lesbians: midget lesbians.

So give, won’t you, to Stolen Humor? Remember, a sense of humor is a terrible thing to waste. (Unless it’s Carrot Top’s “sense of humor”, in which case, waste away.)